Not a Resolution List, Rather...A Lifestyle

In the past six months....

I have traveled to Europe
I have ridden on the back of a motorcycle for the first time
I have tried new foods
I moved to a new home with someone I had never met before
I explored an abandoned building
I've introduced myself to new people
I have driven a snowmobile for the first time
I did my first doughnut in a vehicle (intentionally)
I went to the beach in late October
I enjoyed a wine tasting
I went to a pig roast
I saved a bug's life instead of killing it
I rebelled and walked across a closed bridge
I floated on a pontoon anchored by an island
I watched two of my best friends get engaged
I watched one of my best friends through her pregnancy


In the next twelve months...

I hope to bungee jump or sky dive
I will graduate college
I hope to move to a new location
I hope to continue trying new foods
I hope to change my hair style
I hope to make new friends
I hope to travel somewhere I've never been (hopefully multiple places)
I hope to take a vacation to somewhere warm
I hope to have a new job
I hope to lose 40 lbs
I hope to have an even stronger love for my boyfriend
I hope to continue learning and growing as a person

But most of all, I hope to maintain a sense of adventure and enthusiasm for life
I hope to continue surrounding myself with those who matter most
And keep pushing forward towards my goals.

Happy New Year!

Twenty Years From Now...

Every single day is composed of a series of decisions. Some are bigger than others and some are pure routine. Sometimes you change your mind, other times you realize you chose wrong and sometimes you are dead right. If every decision I ever made could be categorized into 'Good Decision,' 'Bad Decision,' or 'Try it again tomorrow,' I'd say I would eventually get it all right. And I bet I'd be coasting down every street making each and every green light in my path.

But its just not that simple...

There are unknowns and surprises. Tomorrow is always a mystery and sometimes you don't get immediate feedback on your choices. It might take days or months or years before you realize the outcome of one tiny decision. So how exactly do you know the right path? How do you know which way is up, when you're spinning and blind? How do you come out on top? What are the proper steps? Where is the guidebook or the instruction manual? Why has this not been perfected, yet? How is it...that generation after generation...people are still making bad choices? How is it that people are still screwing up their lives? Whose footsteps am I to follow? Or am I just one more person fighting the fight, destined to get it wrong in the end, anyway?

I don't believe there to be any single person who possesses the answers to these questions. Nor do I believe in the perfect human. Life is meant to be lived...in the moment. There will always be curve balls and you can always ponder the "what-if's." You can look backwards or try to compare your life with another and end up deciding you have regrets. You can focus on the technicalities of every day life and drive yourself to insanity in weighing the innumerable options.

Or you can jump.

The decisions will never stop coming and opportunities, good or bad, will never stop presenting themselves. If you get this one wrong, use what you learned to help you the next time around. Tomorrow is another day, but if you spend too much time staring at twenty years from now...today will pass you by. And today only comes once. You only have today for a day. While you have it, use it and enjoy it, spend it with those who matter most and share it with those in need. Today is precious and it passes quickly, so don't waste a drop.

"Live the life you love."

Xo

The Final Lap

The crowd is up out of their seats, yelling and waving their arms high in the air. The announcer bellows excitedly into the the loud speaker giving a play-by-play as I round the last bend. I can see the finish line and the swirling flags flap in the wind over the track. My breathing slows down, my eyes narrow on the goal, and nothing else matters but this moment. I hear familiar voices drowning out the rest of the noise...my family, my friends. They cheer the loudest, their eyes are the widest and they are right there at the finish line...waiting for me to come in the strongest. My stride stays steady, one foot in front of the other. The cheers grow louder and I near closer and closer...

...and suddenly I stop. 

I look up, as my fans furrow their brows in confusion. They tilt their heads. They look down at my knees....my ankles..."Is she injured?" They brush me towards them with a flick of their hand and a reassuring nod. They yell my name. Louder...and louder. My feet are stuck. My mind is triggering my muscles to act, to move, to do something...but nothing happens. I collapse in defeat as my competition blows past me. My fans hang their heads and step away from the finish line in my direction. Suddenly, I'm on my toes. And I'm sprinting faster than I've ever sprinted. But I'm running away from them...backwards...in the wrong direction. 

I can't explain why I stopped running. I don't know why I quit in the most important stretch. I have no words or excuses. I just broke down. And then I realized I was so far behind that I didn't know where to take my first step. And all those people there to support me, who believed in me from the start and pushed me towards the finish line...I let them down. And now they want answers. I don't have them. I can't explain it. I'm embarrassed and confused. But most of all, I used them. I tricked them and deceived them. I lied to them. I said I was doing fine when I knew I was slowing down. And now, the pieces are so broken that no pleas or cries are going to put them back together. There will only be hurt and anger. 

I need something...strength or self-control. I need to let go of my pride and admit I made a mistake. I need to come forward and talk to those who stood by me and explain that I can't explain why it happened the way it did. I need to ask for help...and forgiveness. And I need to find some inspiration, something to motivate me again. I need to dig deep...find a spark, a smile, a purpose. The goal is right in front of me. I know I want it. I want it so bad. But why, then, won't I work for it?

Self-Control: The ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Choice: An act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. 

Will Power: The trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior

For years, I have stressed the importance of these very definitions and the roles they have played in my life. This is how I want to be remembered. This is how I want to be every day of my life. I want these characteristics to be the moral of every story I tell and every lesson I learn. These are the values I want to teach my children. And when I lay in my bed many years from now...I want to know that I lived a life full of self control, choice and will power. And right there in front of me is the finish line. Graduation, money, free time, a normal sleep schedule.

...so why are my feet not moving?

The Moon Lives in the Lining of Your Skin

We can all learn something from her
The way she always sees the best in people
The way her smile is always glaringly genuine
The way she sees past the negative of any given situation
We can all gain some valuable insight from her
The way she doesn't stress about tomorrow
But, instead, focuses on today
The way she effortlessly brings joy to those around her
And the diamond of a heart she wears on her sleeve
We can all stand to reflect on her selflessness
Because she has seen true pain
She has been treated wrongly
And she may never have some of the same opportunities as you and I
Yet she wears a smile every day
And offers it to each person around her
She has touched the lives of so many
She has definitely touched mine
I've never heard her talk bad of anyone
Or seen her pass a judging glance
She is simple....beautiful
I've never met another person like her, and doubt I ever will
She inspires me and motivates me
She is the best person I know

To my kid sister...
Who has shown more strength in her first 21 years than I will comprehend in my entire lifetime
Who teaches me, every day, how to be a better person
And who is always excited to see me and gives the most meaningful hugs

I know your continued strength will carry you through this next surgery
Just know that you've got your biggest fan cheering you on
And the support of all those lives you have touched so far
Go get 'em, Tiger.

xo

Over a Glass of Wine

"We Gain Strength, Courage and Confidence By Each Experience In Which We Really Stop to Look Fear In the Face" _Eleanor Roosevelt

    As I mentioned in one of my very first posts, I have an extremely close, important group of girlfriends. It consists of myself and six other girls. We grew up together, have grown together (even while apart) and have witnessed some of life's most beautiful moments together. I couldn't have imagined a better group of friends, even if I tried.
    On my my most recent trip to my hometown, I had dinner with one of the girls. We started talking about the act of asking for and giving advice. It occurred to us during this conversation just how independent and strong our group of friends is and has always been. Of course, we all have each other and will, day or night, consider each other best friends.  But individually, we have our own separate friends and lives, as well. Perhaps it's because we all know each other so well that we indirectly give and receive advice to and from one another....but it seems like we rarely call each other up and say: "I really need some advice...can you talk?"
    As our glasses of wine disappeared sip by sip, and the deliberation continued on the independence of our group of friends, we decided that each and every one of us lives our own life...and completely owns it. We are capable of making our own decisions and accepting the consequences. And we've learned from our past decisions how to make better current and future decisions. All seven of us have seen troubles, dealt with heartbreak and trampled through heated arguments. Each one of us has made a less than stellar life decision, at some point. But through all these experiences, we have gained the strength, courage and confidence to make a better decision next time around.
    And so, instead of asking for advice or passing around a compass between our group...we lend support. We support each other when we are down. We support each other in triumph. We support each other in every aspect of each individual life...because we are all positive that the other is capable of making the right decision for them self.
    I am so proud to call these girls my best friends. My strong, independent, beautiful best friends.

K.K, M.M, C.K, M.E, L.B, E.R. #ForeverMine #Xo

Cheers,

Shelby

Yes.

    Ever seen the movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey? Basically, the main character goes around and to any opportunity that is presented to him, he must say "yes." Lately, I've felt like I'm living a Yes-Life, myself. I've been trying to be more spontaneous, live a little more freely and open myself to new people and adventures. There was once a time in my life where I would decline an invitation for an event if I didn't think I would know the majority of the people attending. Really...that's been the case for the better part of my life. But now I almost prefer to go places where I have to force myself to talk to people I don't already know. I'm finding that people are very interesting. When you let yourself relax and ask people questions about their life...they open up, too.
    I'm not sure what events have triggered this change in me. Honestly, small talk with strangers used to make me so nervous. My palms would become clammy as if I was in an interview. I wasn't very good at helping the conversation along...they would ask me a question and I would answer it...but didn't turn the table back over to them. I was just awkward. Able to talk about myself but forgot to ask them questions, too. I think my job has probably helped me quite a bit with small talk. As it is, I'm on the phone all day long with people I've never met in my life. Yet, I somehow have managed to find some whit, some confidence and have asked customers questions that led to some truly incredible conversations.
    I also think there's probably a maturity aspect to it...and a general curiosity when it comes to other people.  You never know the kind of people you might let slip through your fingers if you don't take the time to chat with them for a minute. A mere introduction to a person does not make them a friend, or even an acquaintance, really. It's the digging around a little bit, finding out their interests and what you might have in common. It's about opening up and making an effort to expand your contact list. I complained a lot about not having too many friends since I moved away to school. Yes, of course I still have my super tight-knit group of friends from high school that I see on a regular basis. But they don't live near me, so all of our visits have to be planned around a birthday or a concert. But here, away from my home town, I would sit at home and be so very anxious to get out and do something. I'd take one look at my phone and have no idea who to call and that would be it, no calls made, nothing to do.
    As far as reaching out and building up the courage to ask a new friend to actually go do something with me..that bit I'm still working on. It's a growing process. But I'm certain that I'm heading in the right direction. You can't possibly ask anyone new to join in on your plans if you never take the time to meet the new people, first.
    This past weekend I went camping with sixteen people. We all brought tents for a two-night stay and we floated down the river in tubes for 5 hours. Of those sixteen people, I only knew two going in. I left the campground on Sunday saying to myself:  "That was a really fun weekend....and I really like those people."

Happy 'Yessing' !

"The World is a Book and Those Who Do Not Travel Read Only One Page"

I was walking through one of the buildings on campus tonight on my way to my car. There were two people walking in front of me - a guy and a girl. I missed the first part of their conversation, but caught ear to a very disturbing statement by the girl. She said "I like American history, but world history or European history I could care less about. I live in America, I love America, that's all I need to worry about."

My entire twenty minute drive home consisted of thoughts circling that statement over and over. How sad to think that way. I considered what that girl's day to day life involved. I figure she must be the type of girl who stares at the piece of sidewalk in front of her as she walks instead of keeping her chin up to take in all that is around her. I figure she must be the type of girl who doesn't consider the consequences of her actions upon others. I decided she probably couldn't hold a decent conversation with people unlike herself, because she would have no talking points. She wouldn't have paid enough attention to areas of life that do not directly pertain to hers. 

The United States, while a separate country, does not stand alone. It was not created in isolation from other countries. It did not grow into the country it is today without its opposition from outside forces. It has not always gone into battle on its own. We rely heavily on the protection of our alliances. International relationships are a very large part of this country, this country she claims to "love."

I will not pretend to sit here and say that I pay attention to all the world politics or know the premises of all the wars we have been involved in. I can't even say I know the facts surrounding our current state of warfare. But I can say that I will never have the nerve to even think that these things don't matter to me our my country. Yesterday's history, today's history-in-the-making...it's all important. 

I suppose it's great that people can live so securely; that they are not the least bit concerned about international allies and vengeance. But to be so naive to make a statement such as hers, that I do not envy. 

I leave you with this last thought: 

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness."

If you get the chance to travel, to learn other cultures, to expand your horizons...jump! If you stumble across the opportunity to embrace a bit of history...hold it dear! If you find that you are staring at that piece of concrete at your feet and missing out on life swirling madly around you...make a change!

I am more excited than ever, now, for my trip to London this summer. With the urge to never live life like this poor girl I encountered today, I am promising myself to make the most of my time abroad. We will be given some truly amazing opportunities to soak in the history of the United Kingdom with guides and tours and pure experiences. I can't wait to concern myself with some "world history."

Closing in on Graduation Take II

      There have been some pretty significant changes in my life over the past couple months. You all know how I took that internship last Winter where I took the semester off from classes and moved back East to work from the office in Ann Arbor. The internship was with Thomson Reuters Tax and Accounting. Thomson Reuters is an informational solutions company that resides under an umbrella of different industries. TR has branches in Tax and Accounting, Finance, Health Care, Media, etc. You may be familiar with Yahoo News? Or Reuters News? That's us! It's not my specific department, but same company. I hadn't realized, prior to starting my internship, the magnitude of this opportunity. All I could see were the dollar signs in my eyes and the potential to boost up my resume. But now it is clear that this internship has given me a foot in the door to an amazing company. TR is located in over 100 countries world-wide with endless possibilities of job types.
      So, I started the internship in December of 2011 and in just a little over four months, it was over! They offered me a full-time position, but I had school to finish up so I knew I had to decline. However, instead of turning down the position outright, I made a few adjustments to the offer and turned it back around on them. I asked them if I could continue working as a part-time employee while still taking classes. However...instead of working from the office in Ann Arbor, if I could work from my apartment in Grand Rapids. The idea traveled through a series of meetings with HR before finally being approved as a second internship. I was ecstatic!
      I continued my internship all the way through the summer where I then applied for a full-time position, based on part-time hours, still working away from the office. To my surprise, I got the job offer! So, since October, I have been working as a true Thomson Reuters employee out of my home, while still enrolled as a full-time student. I was able to do all of this while being paid a salary! I've even opened up a 401(k) to start putting away for my future. I have to say, the extra income has been so good to me, yet sadly, I don't have much money in my savings to show for it. I'm still working on that bit.
      Despite my failure to save money over the past few months, I am finally forcing myself to cut back on my unnecessary spending for an upcoming trip. It's not just any old trip, really. It's an experience. I have been officially accepted to the GVSU Study Abroad Program! Ladies and Gents....I'm going to the United Kingdom!!! It's going to be a tight fit with my work schedule. I'm going to have to use almost my entire year's worth of paid-time-off, but I'm going to make this work! I am so unbelievably excited.
      So this brings me back to classes..and graduation. A few posts ago I told you guys that I had registered for my final year of classes...which I had. Until I decided that one major wasn't enough. I have selected a second major and decided upon a fifth year of college!  I've missed out, a lot, on the things I wish I would have done socially during my college experience. It's nobody's fault but my own and nobody's job to fix it, but my own. So here I am, making up for lost time during my final (my true final) year at GVSU. I thought I had missed my chance to study abroad by taking that internship. I thought I had reduced my chances of meeting new people by taking this job, heavy on the work hours and light on the social aspect. But that's not the case at all! This is the one life I have been given and it means too much to me to let myself travel down a path that leads to regrets later in life. I'm going on this study abroad trip, which not only will fulfill one of my biggest dreams...but will also bring me closer to a group of people whom I cannot wait to meet!
      Travelling to a new country will open my eyes on so many levels. Of course, it will bring out another part of me I never knew I had. It will provide me with stories and memories I can take with me for the rest of my life. It will teach me how to adapt, to learn on the fly and to live true to myself. But it will also give me a bigger scope of the world, introducing me to new people, new lands, and new cultures. I cannot wait to just be there!!
      Well, it will take me five years to graduate from this place. This place that I have learned to call home. This place that has taught me the most important lessons of my life. This place that has helped me grow and shaped my perspective. Most people aim to graduate in four years. But most people don't graduate in four years with an internship that lead to a full-time position before graduation, as well as fit in a study abroad trip. In five years, I will have managed to take a semester off for my internship, study abroad, and walk away with two bachelor's degrees. I'd say that's a job well done.
     I raise my glass to you, year five. We are going to have one hell of a time.

Doubts in the Dust

As the seeds of a dandelion run away with the wind
and a footprint disappears with the rain
As the warm summer sun becomes too cold to bear
I am still here
As gray hairs and wrinkles cause memories to fade
and children trade in their imagination for their 'grown up' ways
As the power of heartache will falter in time
I am still here
The love of life, the majority of which still lies ahead,
is steadily making its way to front and center stage
And as this realization molds into my being
everything else around me moves at lightening speed
The hours turn to days and fade into weeks
Yet, I am still here
There are whispers of old conversations that find their way to my head
and echoes of learned lessons, some tough and some not
They remind me of where I've been and where I still have yet to see
I am neck and neck with clock
but the sun speeds on by
So much to do, so little time
And then I remember, that hearts lead the way
I was not built to chase dreams
but to build each step along the way
I am still here for a reason
To grow a little every day
For the act of living a life you love
requires being present for every minute
With every conscious effort I can muster from within
I put one foot forward and keep my heart on the brain
There should be a dust trail by now
filled with every doubt I ever had
I won't even pretend to be sorry
as I watch them settle to the ground
I am still here