Twenty Years From Now...

Every single day is composed of a series of decisions. Some are bigger than others and some are pure routine. Sometimes you change your mind, other times you realize you chose wrong and sometimes you are dead right. If every decision I ever made could be categorized into 'Good Decision,' 'Bad Decision,' or 'Try it again tomorrow,' I'd say I would eventually get it all right. And I bet I'd be coasting down every street making each and every green light in my path.

But its just not that simple...

There are unknowns and surprises. Tomorrow is always a mystery and sometimes you don't get immediate feedback on your choices. It might take days or months or years before you realize the outcome of one tiny decision. So how exactly do you know the right path? How do you know which way is up, when you're spinning and blind? How do you come out on top? What are the proper steps? Where is the guidebook or the instruction manual? Why has this not been perfected, yet? How is it...that generation after generation...people are still making bad choices? How is it that people are still screwing up their lives? Whose footsteps am I to follow? Or am I just one more person fighting the fight, destined to get it wrong in the end, anyway?

I don't believe there to be any single person who possesses the answers to these questions. Nor do I believe in the perfect human. Life is meant to be lived...in the moment. There will always be curve balls and you can always ponder the "what-if's." You can look backwards or try to compare your life with another and end up deciding you have regrets. You can focus on the technicalities of every day life and drive yourself to insanity in weighing the innumerable options.

Or you can jump.

The decisions will never stop coming and opportunities, good or bad, will never stop presenting themselves. If you get this one wrong, use what you learned to help you the next time around. Tomorrow is another day, but if you spend too much time staring at twenty years from now...today will pass you by. And today only comes once. You only have today for a day. While you have it, use it and enjoy it, spend it with those who matter most and share it with those in need. Today is precious and it passes quickly, so don't waste a drop.

"Live the life you love."

Xo

The Final Lap

The crowd is up out of their seats, yelling and waving their arms high in the air. The announcer bellows excitedly into the the loud speaker giving a play-by-play as I round the last bend. I can see the finish line and the swirling flags flap in the wind over the track. My breathing slows down, my eyes narrow on the goal, and nothing else matters but this moment. I hear familiar voices drowning out the rest of the noise...my family, my friends. They cheer the loudest, their eyes are the widest and they are right there at the finish line...waiting for me to come in the strongest. My stride stays steady, one foot in front of the other. The cheers grow louder and I near closer and closer...

...and suddenly I stop. 

I look up, as my fans furrow their brows in confusion. They tilt their heads. They look down at my knees....my ankles..."Is she injured?" They brush me towards them with a flick of their hand and a reassuring nod. They yell my name. Louder...and louder. My feet are stuck. My mind is triggering my muscles to act, to move, to do something...but nothing happens. I collapse in defeat as my competition blows past me. My fans hang their heads and step away from the finish line in my direction. Suddenly, I'm on my toes. And I'm sprinting faster than I've ever sprinted. But I'm running away from them...backwards...in the wrong direction. 

I can't explain why I stopped running. I don't know why I quit in the most important stretch. I have no words or excuses. I just broke down. And then I realized I was so far behind that I didn't know where to take my first step. And all those people there to support me, who believed in me from the start and pushed me towards the finish line...I let them down. And now they want answers. I don't have them. I can't explain it. I'm embarrassed and confused. But most of all, I used them. I tricked them and deceived them. I lied to them. I said I was doing fine when I knew I was slowing down. And now, the pieces are so broken that no pleas or cries are going to put them back together. There will only be hurt and anger. 

I need something...strength or self-control. I need to let go of my pride and admit I made a mistake. I need to come forward and talk to those who stood by me and explain that I can't explain why it happened the way it did. I need to ask for help...and forgiveness. And I need to find some inspiration, something to motivate me again. I need to dig deep...find a spark, a smile, a purpose. The goal is right in front of me. I know I want it. I want it so bad. But why, then, won't I work for it?

Self-Control: The ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Choice: An act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities. 

Will Power: The trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior

For years, I have stressed the importance of these very definitions and the roles they have played in my life. This is how I want to be remembered. This is how I want to be every day of my life. I want these characteristics to be the moral of every story I tell and every lesson I learn. These are the values I want to teach my children. And when I lay in my bed many years from now...I want to know that I lived a life full of self control, choice and will power. And right there in front of me is the finish line. Graduation, money, free time, a normal sleep schedule.

...so why are my feet not moving?