A tribute to my mother, of course to celebrate her accomplishments and abilities as an amazing Mom on Mother's Day. But also to acknowledge her strength and courage in the toughest of times, for maintaining her rock formation when all the pressure built up around her, and for enduring, some of what I can only imagine to be, the hardest moments a parent has to go through. You amaze me.
Here is a song that always makes me think of you, Mom, (because truly, you have always been the one woman who could do it all):
Through talking to my mother throughout the years, I gather more and more insight into the emotional and physical trials my parents went through when our youngest sister, Stephanie, was born, unexpectedly, with Spina Bifida in 1992. Just think of the information they had to learn and the changes they had to make in order to properly care for Stephanie. All of this, alongside maintaining a life for their other two children, Amy (the oldest) and myself. If there was ever a day my parents couldn't give me the attention I wanted or needed, I surely don't remember it.
Looking back at my childhood, I feel blessed. I know I've said this time and time again...but as a child of the Jackson household...we traveled and saw mountains and oceans and Disney Land. We hiked trails and went down water slides. We cooked meals over a roaring bonfire and absolutely lived for Christmas mornings. We got to play sports, and lots of them. We could play an instrument or kick a ball or shoot a basket...we could do whatever our little hearts desired (within reason, of course.) If my mother was ever troubled at any point during my childhood...I surely knew nothing of it and never saw an ounce of its aftermath. Life was good. I had friends down the street and learned to ride a bike with no hands, we had the world's best dog and a backyard full of lush green grass and a playset that doubled as a hideout, a lunch spot, a daredevil's paradise. We had a home....a really, really good one.
Now of course, these days have gotten away from us as we 'kids' have started our adult lives. But the memories are powerful and beautiful. I look around at some families today and feel sad that they don't have the same opportunities we were given as children. The memories of my childhood and the ache I feel for children who will grow up without similar ones...puts a drive in my soul to provide my future family with the best childhood they can have...just like mine.
Through all these years and all these memories...one thing always remained true. My mother was strong. She faced some really tough times as a parent of three young children. And just this past year, she was thrown into the ring again. We found out that my younger sister, Stephanie, needed a kidney. Both of her kidneys were failing at an alarming rate. Stephanie lost so much weight, and the symptoms started appearing one after another. With my older sister Amy, and myself out of the house, my parents were left to deal with this pretty much on their own. All the doctors appointments and medications, the diet changes and the fear. When new news came about, my mother informed me with a cool and collected tone. She remained strong and took the necessary actions, when all I could do was cry for my sister and ache for her healing. I know my mother pained and feared for Stephanie, of course she did...she is her daughter. I know my mother felt helpless at times. But I also know that through all of that, Stephanie found a kidney and is so much healthier and happier, because my mother (and father, of course) was strong and persevered through the agony only a mother can feel when her child is suffering.
I didn't realize, in the moment, all that you had gone through, Mom. I didn't realize that I could have done more to help, to be there. I don't think I allowed myself to fully comprehend all the stress and fear going on at home while I was miles away. And I am deeply regretful and sorry that I didn't do more to be more supportive and helpful. We are so lucky to have you in our corner, a mother who's main concern is the health and success of her children.
You are amazing every year, you grow every year, you are the world's best mother...every year. And I've always known that. But this year...you went above and beyond. When so many others would have burnt out and broken down...you maintained your ferocity. You not only maintained your ability to be 'Mom of the Year', but you flourished. Every single person out there that knows Stephanie's story, and how strong and feisty she was through all of this, also knows that her mother was beside her every step of the way doing whatever it took to make it through. This year, your "Momability" reached beyond us three girls. This year, you inspired those around you. This year, you triumphed and showed that Mom is Mom no matter what age your kids are. This year, you etched something new on my heart, a pride...an emotion, that will be there until the end of time. And in my own time as a mother, I hope to feel that mark tingle and burst out of my own chest in a time of need. Because, Mom, every woman out there can only hope to be half the woman you are.
I love you, Mom. My strong, beautiful, caring mother. My giver-of-life. My provider. My protector. My healer. My tear-catcher. My supporter. My inspiration.
