"Where we love is home; home that the feet may leave but not our hearts."

IT IS SO GOOD TO BE HOME!

My apartment has never seemed so appealing.

Here are some of the things I've noticed that I've missed most since my return:
- My quaint little (working) dishwasher that makes a funny noise when the soap dispenser opens up.

- My back patio - which DOESN'T have a Fisher Price playset, baseball bat, or random pieces of Barbie.

- My houseplant (which my roommate seems to have neglected while I was away. No worries, I nursed it back to life.) 

- My walk-in closet which is organized by color.

- The lighting in the living room when the lamps are on.

- My bulletin board in the kitchen to keep me organized.

- Most of all, my bathroom - located in my bedroom - that is mine, and mine alone.

    It's funny how I can come back to my apartment, which has probably had hundreds of tenants in it's lifetime, seen a million different decorative styles, smelled a million different scents, and heard noises I will never be privy to; yet is is so special to me. When I walk in the door, I feel as though I'm the only one in the world who has ever walked through that door and called it home. The amount of effort I put into it - choosing a color scheme for each of the rooms, keeping it tidy, decorating it for the holidays - how could it ever have belonged to anyone else? This place is mine. It's Home.

    Since I've been back, I have had time to settle back into my routines, start taking classes again and just take care of my self-neglected soul. However, there is still something that feels so very different. It seems that things haven't "gone back to normal." Too much has happened in the past six months to just revert back to the beginning. But what I've realized, is that it's not that something is missing...it's that I am more ready. Ready for what? This is the only way I can think to describe the feeling. I'm more ready for the rest of my life, for tomorrow, for today. I'm more ready to take on any challenge in front of me, from the challenge of getting out of bed in the morning to the challenge of making new friends. From the challenge of getting a decent grade in my class to the challenge of finding a job for after graduation. From the challenge of understanding, mentally, how I want to tackle each day to the challenge of breaking off my three-year relationship with my boyfriend so I can experience life on my own. I've decided to live more spontaneously, to meet people whenever I can, and to believe in the power of a good attitude - about whatever life brings my way.

    Life will always have its phases. I hope this one carries into the next. I never want this feeling to go away. I'm happy and I'm proud of all I have accomplished. I'm proud of my decisions, especially the more recent ones. I feel stronger, more empowered. I feel in control of every aspect of my life. I have found my independence again, which I seemed to have buried somewhere in the past three years. Oops. 

This is going to be a hell of a summer. At least it's off to a really great start. 

I'M HOME! 

From Cobblestone Streets to Sky Scrapers. Oh...and Philly Cheese Steaks, too.

   Mid-December, 2011: struggle through exam week on no more than 4 hours of sleep every other night. After finishing my last exam, pack up everything I can fit into my car, including my pet rabbit with his gargantuan cage and move across the state. Move in with boyfriend who lives with friend, two full size dogs and evidence of friend's past-relationship-gone-bad. AKA, all of said friend's ex's stuff still occupying the bathroom, two bedrooms and every other nook and cranny throughout the house. Sell rabbit to another college student because friend is allergic and dogs want to eat him. All of that aside...internship engage. The internship went great, it kept me super busy and out of money-troubles, as so many of us college-age kids struggle with between every paycheck, or lack there of.
   Mid-April, 2012: After working six to seven days a week between nine and eleven hours a day for the past four months or so...I decided that a much needed vacation before spring classes started up was a must. I mean, I've basically been living out of a suitcase for the entire duration of my internship anyway, so what the heck. Introduce, my trip to Philadelphia, PA. I'm currently smack-dab in the middle of it and loving every minute. I get to spend some amazing time with my older sister Amy, who has just been the greatest at showing me around the city, giving me things to do while she's at work and providing me with some unforgettable memories. A whole 12 days away from my hectic, stuck-in-the-middle life back in Michigan, and let me tell you - it's been fantastic so far. And all the things we still have yet to do, I can't wait! Our itinerary for the rest of the week in Philly is jam-packed with fun-filled events, friends, and of course drinks. (We've both been waiting for what seems like an eternity for me to turn 21 so we can enjoy the night-life together. So. Much. Fun.) But that's not even the best of it. Next weekend, we experience NYC in the flesh! Just a train-ride away, how could we not go?
  Although I am thoroughly enjoying my time on the East side of the country and am in no way ready to say "take me home"...I am looking forward to getting back to Grand Rapids, back to my apartment and my own room, own bathroom, comfy blankets - sans dog hair - and oh yea, go out on the town, my own town, and enjoy a drink with some good friends.
   As noted in my earlier posts, I am truly starting to embrace my life. MY life. MINE. Over the past few months I've done a lot of self-discovery and growing up. All the while, living on someone else's turf, eating off plates I didn't purchase and tiptoeing around a house that I don't call home. The internship, turning 21, registering for my final year of undergraduate classes, diving deeper into my relationship with my boyfriend, and this spectacular vacation have all led me to do a lot of reflecting on my life and a lot of learning about the type of person I want to become; the person I am becoming. The thing I want most right now - is to continue this growth and string of realizations. I've smiled more in the past month than I remember doing in the entire year before. I've finally looked in the mirror and saw not the things I want to change, but what I've already become, the beauty of my life and the strength I've gained to realize that some of the paths I've been traveling have been for the wrong reasons. But I don't view these paths as flaws - I view them as the stepping stones, the obstacles which became the tools I've needed all along to teach me about myself. To teach me what I don't want in my life.
  Ask anyone what they really want out of life. I bet they will stumble over their words, use "umm" and give short blurbs of ideas they saw in a movie. I doubt you will ever find someone who will ramble off exactly how they envision their life and say it's been that way since they could remember. The idea of my life changes every day. But it's not that it ever becomes more defined as to what I want...I just realize more and more of what I don't want. And that's just fine.
   I am excited to get back to my life, back home where my closet is full of freshly laundered clothes and all my shoes are in a row on the floor instead of a jumbled pile in the trunk of my car. I am excited to be taking classes again and wake up in the morning in my own bed and put on a pot of coffee and go grocery shopping without thinking of what anyone else likes or doesn't like. I am at a completely selfish point in life right now...I don't want to have to figure anyone else into my plans. I wan't to focus on me and continue my self discovery. I want to finish school and find a job that will help me pay off my disgusting amount of debt - which by the way, is due to the best investment I will ever make in my lifetime. I don't want to do anyone else's laundry. I want to make one-person meals. I want to clean dishes that only I dirtied. If there is one specific thing I could name that I've learned  just recently - it would be that I am 21 years old and I'm going to start living like it.

Happy Discovering!

Closing in on Graduation

   So, it's pretty exciting, a bit daunting, and extremely hard to wrap my head around...but I just registered for my last year of higher education before graduation. YIKES "Shelby Jackson: Grand Valley State University Alumni"...nope. unreal. Time as a form of measurement is so twisted in this scenario. Senior year of high school, I looked ahead 4 years to my next graduation and decided that another four years of schooling, (i.e. sitting in class, homework, exams, mid-term papers) sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. I mean, it was summer, I was 18 and I just finished 12 years of schooling that came way too easy to keep me out of trouble. FOUR MORE YEARS?! MINIMUM?! I mean, don't get me wrong. We've all seen the movies based on a college kid's life. Partying, drinking, hooking up, hitting on the teacher to get an A. You bet, I was looking forward to the college experience, regardless. But seriously...four more years?
   And then, it was as if those four years were condensed into 6 months. Freshman year was a blur. I met all these people, learned that college is not anywhere near as easy as high school and this little video in my head of what "college" looked like when I was 17 suddenly took a turn for reality. College is hard work. Not only do I have to keep on my schoolwork, but there are student organization meetings to attend that all-too-often conflict with demanding work schedules that were self-inflicted because I chose an apartment with rent way too high for my means of income. And then there are distractions, such as the sand-pit volleyball nets in my front yard freshman year that taunted me out of attending class, and instead joining in on a game under the blue sky and rays of warm sun. Or the varsity football games, which haphazzardly always took place during one of my 6pm-9 classes. Or "Thirsty Thursdays" or "Sunday Funday." Ugh, when is a girl supposed to study?!
   Thennn....Junior year hit and the lights came on. Sunday Funday? Who's brilliant play on words was this? Sunday is a day for doing a load of laundry between every 4-page-long accounting problem completed. Sunday is a day for reading ahead for this week's biology lab. Sunday is a day to turn off the cell phone and go into lock-down mode. Sunday is anything but "fun." Plus, what am I doing at this worthless, minimum-wage job that has nothing to do with my major? Note to self: time to get an internship - - preferably a paid internship. Time to get serious.
   So here I am, working as an Intern for Thomson Reuters (paid, might I add). My grades are on the up-and-up and like I said, I've just registered for my final year of classes before I graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Management Information Systems. Oh. My. God. What am I supposed to do next? I mean, I've already managed to cut out every inkling of "social" from my daily agenda. My money supply? Still limited. My need for time? Even more stretched. And while taking some of my hardest classes yet, I'm supposed to find time to figure out what companies I would like to work for, apply for jobs, attend interviews, and make a final decision as to what I want to be when I grow up? Welp, college is a death sentence.
   In the back of my mind, though, I've got some sense of ease; calmness. There has never been a time in my life that I didn't make it through, one way or the other. I'm not big on fate, when people say "what's meant to be will be." But I do believe in hard work and if you give enough of yourself to something...things really do start to come into place.
   We all started college because the economy told us we had to if we had any dream of getting a decent job. We all started college because it was what we were told we should do, whether it was community, private university, public university, online classes, whatever. But college really becomes fun, when you decide for yourself, that it's what you WANT to do. I no longer dread sitting through another lecture. I want to go to class. I no longer dread reading that fine-print 3,000 page textbook. I want to read it. I no longer dread the 11-hour study sessions. As long as I have coffee and a butt-cushion for the kitchen chair, I want to ace that test. I want to continue learning for the rest of my life, because I enjoy it. Because it makes me feel good. Because I can. It took me two and a half years of higher education to figure this out, but I'm so glad I did.
   Who would have guessed? Miss "I-don't-know-if-I-can-stand-another-four-years-of-boring-teachers-and-research-papers" is currently deciding on a second major. Welcome to year 5....because I want to.

The Jist

Hi all!

    My name is Shelby Jackson. Thus far, I would have to say I've led a truly amazing and priveleged life. I owe my sight-seeing, smile-every-day, friends-around-the-block childhood to my parents. Meet Mike a Sue Jackson: two loving people who brought three daughters into this world...and made it their purpose of giving those children a life of opportunity. Let me first start off by stating that my family is nothing out of the ordinary. Middle-class family living in a normal town in a normal state, living off normal means of income, leading normal busy lives. But to me, it's much much more than that. To me, it's my life, my upbringing, the basis of who I am today.
    So here I am, freshly turned 21 years of age and really starting to appreciate my life. It's a funny transition: becoming what society would call a "responsible adult." I am finally learning the consequences of my actions, prior to putting those actions into...action. I am finally starting to take complete and total responsibility for my life and my relationships with those around me. I am finally starting to understand what it is that I want for my future and what I need to do now in order to get there. Among realizing the "self" side of growing up, I'm also realizing the blessings I've endured all along. My childhood is one I will never forget, will always treasure and will always refer to as a very solid base of the childhood I can only dream of giving my children someday. And for that, I thank my parents from the deepest depths of my heart.
    Of course, aside from my parents building the base, I also had an incredibly special older sister to light the way. Meet Amy Jackson: a beautiful, outgoing, worldly and successful go-getter. I would find it wise for anyone to look up to her. She has all the right words to say, world experiences to speak from and ambition I will never be able to comprehend in my own years. I am so grateful for her help along the way, and can only imagine the lasting friendship we are building for the future.
   And of course, I can't forget the tight-knit group of girls I have grown to love as sisters. No matter how many different colleges we have all chosen to pack up our lives and run off to, we can all come together and still find a way to make it like old times. We've all gotten in trouble, cried, laughed, argued, supported, carried and trusted one another. We've seen each other at our lowest moments and been there to celebrate the best of times. Oh, the memories I will forever hold dear to my heart...or just remenisc on for a good laugh.
    All this goodness and my life's not even half over. Where or where will life take me next?