My apartment has never seemed so appealing.
Here are some of the things I've noticed that I've missed most since my return:
- My quaint little (working) dishwasher that makes a funny noise when the soap dispenser opens up.
- My quaint little (working) dishwasher that makes a funny noise when the soap dispenser opens up.
- My back patio - which DOESN'T have a Fisher Price playset, baseball bat, or random pieces of Barbie.
- My houseplant (which my roommate seems to have neglected while I was away. No worries, I nursed it back to life.)
- My walk-in closet which is organized by color.
- The lighting in the living room when the lamps are on.
- My bulletin board in the kitchen to keep me organized.
- Most of all, my bathroom - located in my bedroom - that is mine, and mine alone.
It's funny how I can come back to my apartment, which has probably had hundreds of tenants in it's lifetime, seen a million different decorative styles, smelled a million different scents, and heard noises I will never be privy to; yet is is so special to me. When I walk in the door, I feel as though I'm the only one in the world who has ever walked through that door and called it home. The amount of effort I put into it - choosing a color scheme for each of the rooms, keeping it tidy, decorating it for the holidays - how could it ever have belonged to anyone else? This place is mine. It's Home.
Since I've been back, I have had time to settle back into my routines, start taking classes again and just take care of my self-neglected soul. However, there is still something that feels so very different. It seems that things haven't "gone back to normal." Too much has happened in the past six months to just revert back to the beginning. But what I've realized, is that it's not that something is missing...it's that I am more ready. Ready for what? This is the only way I can think to describe the feeling. I'm more ready for the rest of my life, for tomorrow, for today. I'm more ready to take on any challenge in front of me, from the challenge of getting out of bed in the morning to the challenge of making new friends. From the challenge of getting a decent grade in my class to the challenge of finding a job for after graduation. From the challenge of understanding, mentally, how I want to tackle each day to the challenge of breaking off my three-year relationship with my boyfriend so I can experience life on my own. I've decided to live more spontaneously, to meet people whenever I can, and to believe in the power of a good attitude - about whatever life brings my way.
Life will always have its phases. I hope this one carries into the next. I never want this feeling to go away. I'm happy and I'm proud of all I have accomplished. I'm proud of my decisions, especially the more recent ones. I feel stronger, more empowered. I feel in control of every aspect of my life. I have found my independence again, which I seemed to have buried somewhere in the past three years. Oops.
This is going to be a hell of a summer. At least it's off to a really great start.
I'M HOME!
