Wielding Intention

Let go. 

Let go of whatever brings unrest to your life. Let go of whatever no longer serves you. Let go of what you no longer feel pulled towards. Let go of expectations (phew, that's a big one.) Let go of the past and the people who live there. Let go of relying on others..for anything. Let go of the versions of you who no longer feel authentic. Let go of those who don't see your value. Let go of those who don't respect your time. Just let go.

Let them. 

Let them chase their own happy (or their own chaos.) Let them think whatever and however they do. Let them make their assumptions. Let them prioritize what they need to. Let them show up, or not. Let them choose their path, their journey and their mindset. Just let them. 

Show up.

Show up for the people who add value to your life. Show up for the memorable moments. Show up for the things that spark joy, growth and adventure. Show up for yourself (because you're the only person you're relying on, remember?) Show up for what matters to you. 

Be present. 

Be present in the here and now. Be present for whatever you chose to show up to. Be present for whomever you chose to show up for. If you can't be present, you shouldn't have showed up. 

I've made a concerted effort to wrap my life in these ideologies, lately. I've made decisions for myself that took pressure out of my day, lifted weight from my shoulders and and minimized stress on my heart. As I'm getting all this down in words, I can't help but feel like I'm speaking in cliches. But adopting this mindset with more awareness and intention has had profound changes on my life. 

Some decisions have led to tangible results. There are people in my life who I've allowed to drift away, slowly. Relationships I've stopped pouring into. And there have been some separations that I've handled more immediately, with more finality. There are others, though, that I have prioritized; reframed and built stronger. I've sold, donated and trashed material items I had been holding on to for no good reason. I've repurposed space in my home to better support my hobbies, to nurture a positive mood or to serve a a more useful purpose.          

Mostly, though, what has resulted has been more behind the scenes. More felt than seen. A sense of stark clarity, of becoming. I am confident in my ability to say "no." I no longer feel called to action by the expectations of others. For so long, how I felt I should spend my time was largely controlled by the expectations I perceived others had of me. I'll never know if that perceived pressure was real or if my own insecurities dreamed them up. But you know what? I don't require the answer to that question. It doesn't matter; it's in the past. It's part of a version of me I've been able to let go of. 

I am so very content in my own company. That's not always been the case; quite the opposite, really. I used to fill all my time with ativities, meet ups and outings. If I didn't have something on the agenda, if I had too much time to myself, I would spiral into a ball of anxiety. Subconciously, I think I was so fearful of where my own mind would take me without the distractions. Afraid of my own thoughts. Afraid of the let down, the realization that without all of these outside measures, I didn't feel inspired by who I was...I didn't feel anything. 

My time spent alone with my thoughts, now, feels more opportunistic. Where once, it felt aimless and chronically burdensome. I am still searching, still striving for some belonging; but it doesn't feel heavy like it used to. It doesn't feel like a problem I can't solve...it feels like freedom. Like I'm staring at a high quality piece of drafting paper with every possible drawing tool laid out in front of me. Some I have to learn how to use, but they are there if I want to try. I imagine that page will soon be filled with whisps of color, a million non-linear markings, droplets of water spreading ink in organic composition. Pencil shavings echoing the vibrations of life. 

What a gift, really, to be able to learn the art of intention.